Attack of the Crazed Cuccoos
by Ko-chan to Ya-chan
Summary: All Link wanted was a nice chicken dinner...


Konnichiwa minna!! My friend Kyle, Master of Stuff and I were really bored and decided to write this while reading another Zelda humor fic. (well, I wrote it, he just came up with the idea to read Zelda fics in the first place and laughed his ass off when I sent this to him) Well, enjoy! 

                                                          ~ Ko-chan__

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**Disclaimer:**

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**          I don't own The Legend of Zelda. Neither does Kyle. If we did, it would be called 'The Chronicles of Link' or something.... Anyways, don't sue!**

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**Attack of the Crazed Cuccoos**

          One day, the infamous hero of time, also known as Link, decided to have chicken for dinner. However, since they didn't have chicken in the world of Hyrule, he settled for the closest thing to it- a cuccoo. So, with visions of lemon pepper cuccoo dancing in his mind, he set off for Lon Lon Ranch. 

          Since he'd gone back to his original time and no one remembered him save for the sages, deku tree, and princess Zelda, he obviously didn't have access to his horse Epona, meaning he had to walk all the way there on foot. Noting that the ranch was too far away, he decided to just get a cuccoo from Kakariko instead. He then pulled out his ocarina and played the Nocturne of Shadow, instantly teleporting to the Kakariko graveyard in a shower of purple sparkles and bluish-black light.

          When he got there, the first thing he noticed was that it was raining as usual. Silently cursing, he adjusted his hat and leapt off of the ledge, avoiding the large hole where the royal musicians' gravestones used to be. He then ran toward the exit as fast as he could- not wanting to fight the poes that floated around nearly everywhere. He made it through, running over Dampe in the process, and raced into the bright sunshine. 

          // Made it! // Link thought, smiling. // Now... Where would I hide if I were a brainless cuccoo who is afraid of practically everything...? //

          He grinned as he remembered the location of a particular cuccoo that was just the right size and far enough from the cuccoo lady that he wouldn't get caught. He then headed toward the gate leading to Death Mountain, drooling a little as he thought of which recipe he should use to cook the bird. He casually walked over to the guard of the gate, who would be the only witness to his crime if left alone, and cleared his throat to get the guard's attention. 

          This worked, for the guard looked down at him and growled, "Whadda ya want, shrimp?"

          Ignoring the last comment, Link stated, "Sir, there's a suspicious looking man over near the well. I heard him say something about torching the great Impa's house tonight and I thought you might want to check it out."

          "Wha~ T-torching the great Impa's house?! I gotta go!" the guard announced, running away in the direction of the well.

          "Well, I guess that takes care of him!" Link smirked, dusting his hands off. Then he remembered something _very important. _

          "Crap! I forgot about that old guy who hangs around the well! That guard'll think I was talking about him!" he cursed, then gave the situation some thought.

          "Nah, I never liked that guy much anyway...." he muttered, then went back to his plan.

          Link looked around carefully, not wanting anyone to witness the crime he was about to commit, and, satisfied that no one would be able to see him, he quietly snuck up behind the unsuspecting cuccoo. He then brought out his sword, wanting to end this quickly. 

          "Bwaaaaaaaak!!!!" the cuccoo screeched, running around in circles. Link had sliced it just at the neck, but the cuccoo hadn't died on the first blow as he'd thought it would.

          // Drat! This is certainly unexpected! If it keeps on like this, I'll get caught! // Link thought, beginning to panic.

          He then brought down his sword again, slicing the cuccoo on the back. It cried out again, making Link's eyes bug out.

          "This thing _still isn't dead?!!! What is it?! Some kinda demon?!!" he shouted in disbelief. Angered by this turn of events, he brought down his sword again and again, making the cuccoo cry out each time._

          Finally, the cuccoo had had enough. It knocked Link backward with all the strength it could muster, then cried out as loud as it possibly could- calling for reinforcements.

          "Huh?" Link blinked, then noticed that a dark shadow loomed over him. He then looked up, shocked at what he saw. 

          "Uh-oh......" 

          Behind him, an entire fleet of cuccoos were glaring at him, the one he'd injured at the head of the group. Link gulped, then managed a strained smile.

          "Heh heh..... Ummm.... Hi guys...." he said, giving a little wave while sweatdropping. // I'm in deeeeeeeep yogurt.... //

          "Bwwaaaaaaaaaakkkk!!!!!" the lead cuccoo cawed, pointing his wing at Link and signaling for the swarm of cuccoos to charge.

          "CRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP!!!" Link yelled, leaping to his feet and running as fast as he could away from the crazed cuccoos.

          The cuccoos then proceeded to chase him around the village, the townspeople looking on in bewilderment, too stunned to help the hapless young Hylian. Link finally collapsed from exhaustion near the town's main entrance, the cuccoos still upon him. They pecked at him, and Link felt his life-force slowly ebbing away.

          // So, this is the end....is it? // he scoffed mentally. // It's rather ironic, really.... Who would've guessed that the Hero of Time would fall to a swarm of deranged cuccoos....? //

          Just as the injured cuccoo was about to finish him, a bright flash of light appeared behind them, and a single figure fell from the sky, landing gracefully on his butt. The unknown person groaned, then sat up, the light fading away.

          "Ugh.... Where the hell am I? This doesn't look like my backyard...." Anzu wondered aloud, standing up and ignoring the cuccoos behind her, as well as Link, who was wondering just why the cuccoos had stopped their attack.

          The cuccoos had indeed stopped, and were now eyeing Anzu's rather fluffy mass of unruly brown hair. Their eyes gleamed maliciously, and they nodded amongst themselves.

          "BWWAAAAAAK!!!!" the injured cuccoo cawed, catching Yu-Gi-Oh's most famous bimbo off guard.

          "What the- AHHHHHHHH!!!!! HELP!!! EVIL DEMON CHICKENS ARE OUT TO GET MEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!" Anzu yelled, her hands covering her 'precious' locks.

          Actually, the cuccoos were just out to get her hair, since it seemed to be grade 'A' material for their nests to be built out of. They swarmed around her, occasionally diving at her head and pulling out a clump of hair as they passed. Eventually, they chased her out of town, and thus followed her around the world for all time.

          During all of this, Link managed to sneak back to his house in the Kokiri forest unseen by the crazed cuccoos or any others who might've recognized him. However, just as he crept down to the bottom of the ladder, none other than Mido spotted him.

"Hey you! What happened? Didja try to visit the 'princess' and get kicked out by the 'guards'?" Mido sneered, obviously being sarcastic since no one but Saria believed him when he told stories about his epic adventures.

          "Oh....cram it Mido. I'm not in the mood for your smart-ass remarks right now...." Link grumbled, then climbed up the ladder and into his house, leaving a shocked Mido at the base of his home.

          // So much for the chicken....erm, chicken-substitute....... // Link thought, sighing. He then fell asleep, dreaming of various foods that could be his dinner the next day.

          "Mmmm......steak............" he mumbled, drooling in his sleep.

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K: Ano… ^^; Did you like it? I actually had someone else in there instead of Anzu, but he's alright now, so I replaced his character with her, since I hate her anyway…

Kyle: *still laughing his ass off* XD

K: *snickers* It was pretty funny, wasn't it… *winks* Maybe I should write a sequel…? *turns to readers* Well, what do YOU think? *stares expectantly*

Readers: ……….

K: *scowls* A-**_HEM_**! *points to the review button*


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